I’m Jessica and this is my story of how I was able to overcome infertility and live the life of my dreams!!!
I was about 18 the first time I went into the hospital with abdominal pain. I remember the pain being so severe and feeling really frightened of the unknown. What was causing this pain? In my head, it had to be something pretty bad. I did blood work, ultrasounds, CTs and each time the doctors would come back with ovarian cysts, or my favorite, it was all in my head. It’s probably Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which at that time was mostly diagnosed in women.
It continued. I went from doctor to doctor. Excruciating pain, no diagnosis.
Finally, a huge growth inside my ovary was found, it was pushing my uterus out of the way and it got the doctors attention. It was diagnosed as a chocolate cyst and I needed surgery.
I had the surgery and it also came with the diagnosis of Endometriosis. After 5 years, a final diagnosis. I was 23 when I first heard the words infertility and at the time, it didn’t hit me. I wasn’t planning on having kids anytime soon and life went on.
I got married at 25 years old and my husband and I were busy living life and having fun. We were buying and renovating homes, still not putting much thought into having children. Life was great.
Everything changed when we decided we wanted to try to get pregnant. We were so excited. Oh yeah, except for that little pesky Endometriosis thing.
Now we started to remember the word infertility. We knew the reality was it might not happen for us. But I really tried to keep that in the back of my mind.
We tried month after month. We hoped, we prayed, we wished. Nothing.
Well, nothing but pain.
After a year of trying on our own, we went to see a fertility doctor. Blood work all the time, nothing like feeling like a pincushion. Not to mention other tests that weren’t pleasant at all. They just kept telling us to keep trying or let’s try an IUI. Nothing.
Well, nothing but heartbreak and tears.
Why wasn’t I getting pregnant?
We were good, hard working people who really loved each other. We would be great parents. We were kind and always helping others in need. It seemed every day I was finding out about more family and friends getting pregnant.
I was happy for them, but what about me? When is it my turn? Am I being punished for something? Why isn’t my body doing the most important thing it was designed to do?
The diagnosis came once again, Endometriosis. Time to schedule another surgery.
So I did. The results this time being I had stage 4 Endometriosis. It doesn’t get much worse than that! I remember the doctor telling me afterwards that the only reason he didn’t do a complete hysterectomy was because I was trying to get pregnant.
Well, that’s reassuring!
I was told the clock was ticking and the best time to try and conceive was right after the surgery. While handing me the script for the IUI medications, he was rolling his eyes telling me it probably wasn’t going to work. The only chance I had to possibly conceive was with IVF, and that was still slim odds. I thought my husband was going to knock him out.
I took the script, went home, collapsed on the floor and cried.
How many of you reading this have been there? Your story doesn’t have to be anything like mine to feel those same feelings. The sadness, anger, shame and negative self-talk that only we can hear. The ability to only focus on this part of our lives, trying to become a mother. Feelings of hopelessness.
After this my husband and I decided to start living our lives again. We would still try to conceive but it would not run my life. A few months later I took and pregnancy test that came back positive. Two weeks later I began to spot. I checked myself into the hospital. After waiting in the hallway on a gurney for 5 hours I was seen by a Doctor. He told me good news, YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT!!! What?
I took this info to my Fertility Doctor who told me the digital pregnancy test was probably as accurate as anything he could have given me in his office. He confirmed that I had probably conceived but it just wasn't viable.
Devastating to most, probably. But to me, someone who had been told their whole life would not be able to conceive. It filed me with HOPE.
This power of hope sparked new life into me. I began to live with hope everyday that this could and would happen for me.
Six months later I did conceive. I now have a beautiful 6 year old boy
I needed to heal myself. I needed to remember Who I was. I needed to be happy again. I needed to remember all the wonderful things that where out there in the world waiting for me.
I needed to restore my HOPE!!!
Looking back, I wish I had someone there to help guide me. To help me move forward with positivity and a clear mind. Someone to remind me "Where there's Hope there's life".
I will be that person for you.
I realize I had to go through all my struggles in life to put me where I am now. In a place where I can help other women put hope back into their lives. Where ever it may be missing.
I work with all women looking to achieve life goals. Whether career, relationships, family, etc. I specialize in helping women thrive in the present while working towards the ultimate goal of motherhood.
A little more about me:
M.A. in Holistic Health, B.A. in Psychology, iPEC Certified Professional Coach, Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner, ICF Member-New Jersey, Professional Member of Resolve: The National Infertility Association
I’m married with one child. I enjoy gardening, cooking, going to the beach, swimming, boating, being outside, and enjoying my animals: two dogs, chickens, and fish.